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| Disney Christmas Lantern Photo by J.Q. Rose |
After I finished the last sentence of my mystery, Coda to Murder, and added the final
period, I sat back and looked at the page. At that moment I realized I had told a story about forgiveness. I found it odd that I had written about the
one subject that is so difficult for me to include in my life. Forgiveness is
not the natural human inclination.
It’s easy to carry a grudge within our hardened hearts.
Instead of trying to make the horrible burden go away, we seem to feed it and make it grow
into hatred that seethes throughout our pores and colors our world black with
anger and resentment.
Withholding forgiveness to someone who hurts us only gives
us a false sense of power and control over that person. Not accepting forgiveness from someone who is truly sorry adds bitterness to the situation and further damages the relationship.
Christmas is supposed to be a time of joy, love, and peace.
Too often, it turns into a season of hurt and resentment. Memories of those who
wronged us bubble up through the wrapping paper and Christmas ornaments. Instead
of the Norman Rockwell type family get-togethers, snide remarks, facial expressions,
and body language can turn the gathering into a contentious event.
It takes a strong person to be the first to try and reach
out and forgive, and a strong person to accept forgiveness. When that happens,
the heart soars free of the burden of all the meanness.
Forgiveness isn’t easy. It may take a long time to get a
different perspective on the hurt and anguish, but in the end we can try and do
the best we can to resolve a relationship and relieve heartache for all parties involved.
The Christmas season is the time of year when more people
are open to giving and receiving forgiveness. If your heart is in despair, this
is the moment to take time to make things right and re-connect with the person for all the right reasons.
# # # #
My main character, Pastor Christine Hobbs, preaches about
God’s forgiveness in all things. Even if we don’t feel we are worthy of
forgiveness, God’s love and grace is available. All we need to do is sincerely ask.
Christine tries to practice forgiveness in her own life, but a minister is not perfect. Just when
she thinks she has come to terms with her husband’s cheating, lying, and
eventual abandonment, she discovers she has not forgiven him....yet.
# # # #
This excerpt is from Coda to Murder when Christine receives a phone call from her ex which starts her
stomach churning and her blood boiling.
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Pastor Christine
Hobbs never imagined
she would be caring
for a flock that includes
a pig, a
kangaroo, and a murderer.
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“So how are you
getting along there with your new church position?” Brad's voice moderated. “You
may not believe it, but I do think of you and wonder how you are.”
Christine's eyes teared
up. He had no idea how much she missed him and hated him at the same time.
“I’m fine.
How’re you?”
“Well, as soon
as I get this apartment cleaned up, I’ll be happy. What a job. I never knew
moving would be so difficult.”
“You’re moving?
Where are you going?” She bit her lip. She hated to sound as if she were the
least bit interested in his life.
“Nadia and I
found a house.” He delivered it like a hot poker through her heart.
He met Nadia
while he was away on a lengthy sales trip. She shook her head to erase the dark
thoughts in her mind.
“We decided it
was such a good deal, we couldn’t pass it up. I’ll send you my new address.
It’s a ranch in a subdivision near that greasy spoon cafe we liked to go to. Do
you remember that place? Jake’s.” His remarks were so off-handed.
“Oh, yeah.”
Christine remembered Jake’s like it was yesterday.
Jake’s was the
place where she told Brad she was pregnant with their baby. She remembered the
joy in his face and excitement they felt about beginning their family.
She squeezed
her eyes closed, trying to blot out the memory of the night she lost her baby
girl in the emergency room. She was all by herself because Brad was away on a
business trip. He never understood her feeling of loss, so he tried to act like
it never happened. The baby wasn’t real to him as she was to her.
She realized
she wasn’t listening to a word he’d spoken, so when Brad stopped talking she
said, “Okay. Thanks. Gotta go. Just mail them to the church. Good-bye.” The
lump in her throat prevented her from continuing the phone conversation.
Still clutching
the phone in her hand, the memories of that Saturday morning conversation over
two years ago surfaced in her mind. She and Brad were sitting at the kitchen
table. Christine looked forward to spending time with her husband. Having a
weekend together was unusual.
“So what are
your plans for this weekend? Do you want to take a drive or go to a movie?” she
asked as she picked up the cereal box.
Setting his
coffee mug on the kitchen table, he looked directly into her eyes.
“I won’t be
here this weekend.”
She stopped
pouring the sugary flakes of cereal into the bowl. “Oh, really?” She turned to
face her beloved husband. “I thought we could do something fun this weekend. We
have so little time together anymore.”
“I’m moving out
today.” He sat motionless in the chair.
“What? What did
you say?” She leaned in closer toward Brad, the cereal box clenched in her
hand.
“I’m leaving.
I’m moving in with a friend. I want out of this marriage.” He grabbed the cup
of coffee and pulled it toward him.
She clutched
her stomach to stop the churning inside. Was she dreaming? This couldn’t be
real. She tried to read his face, but he kept his eyes on his coffee mug.
She slammed the
box of cereal down on the table and curled her hands into tight fists. With
each sentence she spoke, her fists hit the table. “Wait a minute. Bradley, wait
a minute. What’s happening? What are you saying?”
He glanced up
furtively. Finally locking onto her eyes, he said, “I’m in love with another
woman. It’s over for us.” He scooted back the kitchen chair, turned his back to
her, and walked to their bedroom. She remembered sitting at the table,
shell-shocked, silent, and helpless.
Blinking back
to reality, Christine threw the cell phone on the end table and covered her
face with her hands. A torrent of tears puddled in her palms. Christine heard
heartbreaking cries then realized the sounds came from her, from the depths of
her soul. The phone conversation stirred up all the memories and hurt she thought
she had buried. Although she had tried, she realized now she hadn’t forgiven
him, nor could she ever forget.
No man would
ever again win her heart then crush it.
# #
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Now available at
bn.com and major online booksellers.
This Week:
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| Red poinsettia, traditional Christmas Flower Photo by J.Q. Rose |
Sunday, December 15 (Today)--Join me at sweet romance author Roseanne Dowell's blog for a discussion on Christmas traditions. Share yours with us.
Friday, December 20--Pat McDermott brings the lovely sounds of Irish music to the J. Q. Rose blog and discusses her new romance, The Rosewood Whistle. Find out more about it at Pat’s Web Site.
